Praying for a Lifetime


www.gemhelen.com“I do not find as life goes on that the principle of putting prayer first in daily life becomes any easier to keep. It is true that long habit makes it natural to keep the Rule of Prayer, but, on the other hand, decreasing vitality makes it harder to use times which were formerly easy. I have had, like many others, to use the early morning because the struggle against wandering thoughts was too hard in the evening. I feel sure that the constant warfare which is necessary to keep prayer in the first place must go on as long as life lasts.” (Morgan, Edmund R. Reginald Somerset Ward: His Life and Letters. London: A. R. Mowbray & Co., Ltd, 1963, p. 78.)

Beginning with prayer did not somehow become easy as Ward aged. It isn’t happening that way for me either. He actually found that the diminished energy of aging made it harder to engage in a regular habit of prayer. But harder isn’t impossible. Harder is just harder.

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Spiritual Formation: My Way or His Way?


IMG_0920“So often we are too full of what we think should be happening to us in our spiritual formation to notice what God is actually teaching us. We must be still enough, simple enough, humble enough, to let him plan the course, and use whatever opportunities there may be for our instruction.” (Tugwell, Simon. Prayer: Living With God. Springfield: Templegate Publishers, 1975, p. 116.)

Our own impressive ideas and plans for our spiritual life and the lives of others can become an effective barrier to noticing and paying attention to God’s actual activity in our lives. When we make space for practices like listening in solitude, we can begin to be still enough, quiet enough, simple enough and humble enough to be attentive, receptive and responsive to the direction of His Spirit. Do we make enough space to discern the direction and instruction of God for a particular group in a particular season? Do we feel such discernment is beyond us, or some sort of magical thinking?

This is where our need for enough open space and unhurried time as leaders, both alone and in community, to discern the presence and guidance of God. We are tempted, I think, to assume that we can figure out the present intentions of God for our lives and our communities through our efforts in studying the scriptures or making ministry plans. There can be a subtle and ironic tendency to be very self-focused in this apparently God-oriented activity.

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Spiritual Direction: Sharing Experienced Grace


“What will equip the spiritual guide for [their] work more than anything is [their] own persevering prayer and [their] own personal struggle with the forces of darkness, and [the] effort to bring under the sway of the Spirit the untamed energies of [their] own being. The study of the Christian tradition of the spiritual life, especially the acknowledged masters of prayer, will enlarge the store of wisdom from which [they] can draw. The study of modern psychology will help to provide a contemporary language which makes ancient wisdom bright and new. [Christopher Bryant, SSJE]” (Peter Ball. Anglican Spiritual Direction. Boston: Cowley Publications, 1998, p. 142.)

This echoes the practical experience of the desert fathers who went off into the wilderness to wrestle with their demons. I have found that the regular practice of solitude (as well as the help of a therapeutic process) to be very fruitful in my own struggle. As I overcome my own demons, I gain practical wisdom and clearer vision of how to help others on a similar journey. I cease to give “theoretical grace”, and now find I have “experienced grace” to share.

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Acts of Faith Feel Like Risk


Gem took this shot of me recently at Laguna Beach. She's good, isn't she?

Gem took this shot of me recently at Laguna Beach. She's good, isn't she?

“…the purest acts of faith always feel like risks. Instead of leading to absolute quietude and serenity, true spiritual growth is characterized by increasingly deep risk taking. Growth in faith means willingness to trust God more and more, not only in those areas of our lives where we are most successful, but also, and most significantly, at those levels where we are most vulnerable, wounded, and weak. It is where our personal power seems most defeated that we are given the most profound opportunities to act in true faith. The purest faith is enacted when all we can choose is to relax our hands or clench them, to turn wordlessly toward or away from God. This tiny option, the faith Jesus measured as the size of a mustard seed, is where grace and the human spirit embrace in absolute perfection and explode in world-changing power.” (Gerald May. Addiction and Grace. San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1988, p. 128)

How does this experiential description of faith intersect with your own journey?

Where has God been inviting you to trust Him more?

How has it felt to come to deeper expressions of trust in God?

(A repost from September 2009)

Perspectives on Transformation


(An edited journal excerpt from March 1991)

The experiences of transformation we encounter on our spiritual journey may be very much like the transition from tadpole to frog. What might that look like as a story?

The dream of every tadpole would be to dwell in the places above, but at best they are only able now and then to stick their mouths into those realms, and then only for a moment. There is something exciting and inviting about the “places above,” but no tadpole can survive there for long.

Another important thing to know is that the glory of a tadpole is his tail. It is allows him to zip about through the water. Its tail is perfectly designed to help him move about the pond. Tadpoles enjoy comparing tails and racing about the pond.

Imagine the trauma a tadpole experiences when he begins to notice strange bumps on his sides. The rumors are that they will become what someone has called “legs.” Most tadpoles feel it is a disease, but they have never found a cure. A tadpole can’t seem to do much useful with these emerging “legs.” The trauma deepens as the tadpole begins to notice that his glory, his tail, is shrinking. Tadpoles dread the onset of a receding tail line.

As this unwelcome change continues, the tadpole finds himself going from that pleasant smooth appearance to a strange angular shape. His friends find it harder and harder to recognize him in this distorted form. Where once he was the pride of the pond, now the other tadpoles avoid him and talk about him behind his back.

The tadpole is tempted to believe that there is no good future for him, that he is probably dying, and becomes hopeless. Little does he know that his deepest dream is beginning to be realized. To dwell in the places above, one must develop these “legs”, lose that glorious tail and develop these strange holes on his face that have no apparent use in the water homelands.

What a surprise it must be to find himself drawn to use these new legs to crawl his way beyond the homelands into the places above. Instead of water, there is nothing…at least it looks like nothing. When out of the water, he feels an impulse to use these new legs to push against the ground and finds himself flying through the air. Exhilirating! Exciting! The holes in his face seem to have a function as well. He can take in the nothing around him and finds himself invigorated and alive.

So what had seemed a dying, a place of loss and even death, was the very process by which his dream to live in the places above might be brought to reality.

Spiritual Direction: Learning From Our Own Dark Path


“What will equip the spiritual guide for [their] work more than anything is [their] own persevering prayer and [their] own personal struggle with the forces of darkness, and [the] effort to bring under the sway of the Spirit the untamed energies of [their] own being. The study of the Christian tradition of the spiritual life, especially the acknowledged masters of prayer, will enlarge the store of wisdom from which [they] can draw. The study of modern psychology will help to provide a contemporary language which makes ancient wisdom bright and new. [Christopher Bryant, SSJE]” (Peter Ball. Anglican Spiritual Direction. Boston: Cowley Publications, 1998, p. 142.)

This echoes the practical experience of the desert fathers who went off into the wilderness to wrestle with their demons. I have found that the regular practice of solitude (as well as the help of a therapeutic process) to be very fruitful in my own struggle. As I overcome my own demons, I gain practical wisdom and clearer vision of how to help others on a similar journey. I cease to give “theoretical grace”, and now find I have “experienced grace” to share.

Too Easily Satisfied


The other day, I shared a few thoughts from something I read from Shirley Carter Hughson, a wise spiritual director of the last century. Here it is in my own words:

“I wish that Christians in all of our churches could have a deeper understanding that learning the scriptures and getting our theological understandings well sorted out is only the foundation of the Christian life. It wouldn’t make much sense if a family poured a cement foundation on their property and stopped there. They want to enjoy a home. And on the foundation of good biblical and theological understanding, we want to build a home with Christ—a loving, personal, intimate friendship with Him. What a tragedy when Christians are satisfied with just a foundation of faith facts without going on to build a life with Christ—a warm, loving union with Him that soaks into every moment and every arena of life.”

Rekindling Our Routines


Front porch of a retreat in Manabao, Dominican Republic

Having been a Christian for a while now, there are times when I lose touch with the freshness and living nature of the Scriptures. I’ve read some passages dozens of times. Sometimes they  have become familiar without becoming intimate. How do I recover a sense of the freshness and vitality of God’s written message?

I’ve found that a radical response rekindles a familiar passage. For example, James 1:27 tells me that “religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” Perhaps I’ve read, even studied that portion of scripture many times. But who are the hurting orphans or widows I could reach to with practical care? Are they in my church? In my neighborhood? Where is the nearest orphanage or senior citizens home? Have I visited? What about the many ways that this world seeks to pollute my thoughts, my attitudes or my behaviors? How is God wanting to lead me in a way of life that is shining and inviting?

Perhaps I lose interest in the scriptures because I have ceased to be on the journey they are inviting me to take. Maps to places I don’t really plan to visit hold little interest for me. Maps to the places I’m preparing to visit are of great interest.

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God’s Kingdom Grows Like An Oasis


(Repost from April 2010)

I love this insight from Elton Trueblood about how an organic church grows:

“Those who observe the desert are well aware of the way in which the relatively inconspicuous oasis begins to conquer the wasteland, A single blade of grass, alone in the desert, would be sure to wither and die, while seed sown indiscriminately would almost certainly be wasted, but the little oasis often wins by growing at its edges. This it does by making its own soil as it slowly advances, the life of the growing edge being sustained by the background support of the other life immediately behind it.” (Elton Trueblood. “The Home as a Foretaste of the Kingdom.” The Yoke of Christ and Other Sermons. New York: Harper & Brothers, 1958, pp. 191-92.)

An oasis is a fitting metaphor for the life of God’s kingdom. It is a place of refreshment and vitality surrounded by drought and lifelessness. At its best, the church is such an oasis. An oasis doesn’t grow quickly. To do so would be to spread its vitality out too far to sustain.

I also appreciate an oasis as an organic metaphor. Healthy living things tend to grow slowly. This is truer the longer its lifespan. You don’t measure the growth of a tree in weeks or months, but in years and decades. If the kingdom of God grows organically, what pace of growth do we expect? How long do we hope to see such growth last? Even those seasons when the church has exploded, such growth has only lasted when it had deep, deep roots of sustained prayer and vital community. Too many explosions of growth have dissipated nearly as quickly.

We must not expand faster than the oasis can sustain. It is also important that the edge of our communities continue in vital abiding community together with Christ. May your life become an oasis place for others.

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A Spirituality of Hitting the Wall


Last night's sunset here in Mission Viejo.

(A repost from October 2008. Having returned from The Journey retreat, I’ll begin posting some new material in the coming week.)

In her book, The Critical Journey, Janet Hagberg (Sheffield Publishing Co., 1995, 2005) offers a six-stage model of faith formation that has been very helpful to me since the first edition was published in 1991. Those six stages, simply put, are:

• Stage 1 – Faith is discovering God
• Stage 2 – Faith is learning of/from God
• Stage 3 – Faith is serving God
• Stage 4 – Faith is rediscovering God
• Stage 5 – Faith is surrendering to God
• Stage 6 – Faith is deeply abiding in God

Between stages 4 and 5, she includes what she calls “The Wall.” The wall is, in part, those places where, in our rediscovery of who God really is (as opposed to our sometimes distorted images of Him), we realize more deeply just what it may mean to more fully abandon ourselves to Him in fuller trust. She suggests that our first impulse when confronting such a wall is to try any method of getting past it other than surrender—we try to self-confidently climb over it, or self-deprecatingly tunnel under it, or try to drill through it with our intellectual or doctrinal resources, or whatever. The only way through the wall is to lovingly offer our willingness to God’s loving will.

Constance Fitzgerald, who served for a season as spiritual director to Eugene Peterson in his Baltimore years, wrote an article titled “Impasse and Dark Night.” In it she shares some helpful thoughts about the wall, which she calls “impasse.” These are places of spiritual gridlock where we are uncertain as to the way forward. In this and the next few blog posts, I want to explore a little of what she says. She has helpful counsel to offer us for these “impasse” places we confront along our journey with Christ.

“At the deepest levels of impasse, one sees the support systems on which one has depended pulled out from under one and asks if anything, if anyone, is trustworthy. Powerlessness overtakes the person or group caught in impasse and opens into the awareness that no understandable defense is possible. This is how impasse looks to those who are imprisoned within it. It is the experience of disintegration, of deprivation of worth, and it has many faces, personal and societal.” (Constance FitzGerald, O.C.D. “Impasse and Dark Night.” Living with Apocalypse: Spiritual Resources for Social Compassion. San Francisco: Harper & Row, Publishers, 1984, p. 289.)

An impasse often comes with a sense of questioning everyone and everything we’ve ever trusted. We find our trusted sources of security, direction, or motivation questioned and uncertain. We wonder whether our particular denomination or ministry tradition has been completely accurate in its portrayal of God’s character and God’s expectations of us. With the apparent loss of security, we may feel powerless and without protection. Where once I felt like I had everything together, now things may feel like they are falling apart.

What might God be doing in bringing us to such places?

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